Two Experiences, Two Stories

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There are times when certain experiences keep bothering you and one finds it difficult to come to terms with them. I have had a couple of them in the last few days, and thought will share them with you. Even with a strong moral compass, we sometimes seek external validation.

I had been to the barber shop last week, when the first incident happened. It is an ordinary saloon, one which I have been patronizing for several years, not just because it is close to my house, but for the comfort this sense of familiarity gives. Am sure there are better ones, but here I  know everyone and their method of working. There is free and flowing talk around that provides you your information needs and gossip for some time. The TV is on continuously playing some comedy serials.  Hygiene is largely suspect, but I take it in stride with all the other things it makes up with.

There is this one barber I generally prefer going to. He is an elderly, experienced person who does a thorough job. He is on the heavy side and lately developed a limp. Over time, I have noticed visible signs of deterioration of his physical condition. He has become distinctly slower and his limp is also more pronounced. He looks distinctly in some some pain or discomfort. When he attended to me last week, he appeared disoriented, shuffling from one side to another, leaving one side half done, and going back and forth. He forgot my usual preferences as well and had to be reminded. I silently went through this extended session, feeling more sorry for him, rather than impatient. 

My dilemma was whether to talk him and ask him about his condition, or talk to the owner, but that would instantly jeopardize his position. Would never know what compulsions force him to work at his age and in his condition and if I had raised the issue, he may be asked to leave. Certainly I did not want to cause that, particularly when he has served me well over the years. The bigger question is what do I do next time, do I say I don't want him to cut my hair or do I still go to him and endure again what I went through? I admit, in younger days, would have complained, with the false sense of entitlement we carried. But at our age we have mellowed down and our sensitive to people in such condition. What would you gave done in this case? One option is to find another saloon, but that is not facing the problem, but ignoring it. Moreover my conscience would hurt, particularly when I am trying to find a suitable resolution and closure to the problem.

The other incident was at the Lenskart shop. While I was idly waiting for my turn, a person, around 45,  came looking for near reading glasses. He seemed middle or lower middle class and looking at his general body language, he may not have come before to a store like this. He was feeling uncomfortable and self conscious. He was shown glasses with fixed power, 1.5, 2.0 and asked to read. The store person asked him in Hindi which is clearer, and he barely answered, but finally selected the 1.5 number glasses. When it came to the price, he was told it was Rs.650. He was quiet and finally asked, 'Kuch kam ho sakta hai kya'. The store person told it is a fixed price and he cannot reduce it. The glasses were obviously far beyond his budget, but probably needed them for the job he was doing. All this time he was conscious I was watching him. I felt he may have walked out, but knowing I was watching him, he may have been embarrassed to do that. He took out money from his pocket and I saw he had three notes of 200 and he looked again and just barely managed to make the amount. At that moment, had a strong urge to help him, but did not know how to go about it without hurting his self-respect. Felt sorry for him and thought I should not have looked at him, which may have forced him to buy something he could not afford. Am sure he would have found cheaper ones within his budget elsewhere. Ironically I too had been there for near reading glasses, but mine were custom made with various other features costing much more, making my experience quite poignant. The question here is, how best could one deal in a situation like this?

These moments remind us that kindness isn’t always about grand gestures but about sensitivity to human struggles. The question is, how do we navigate such situations without overstepping or turning away?



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